Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
