woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
