if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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