are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How external is "for external use only"?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
