So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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