i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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