does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
