you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
