You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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