Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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