Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
