One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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