I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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