totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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