Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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