Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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