After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They are going to name an STD after you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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