found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
