if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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