omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think my vagina is haunted
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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