remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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