How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The power of my boobs compel you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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