I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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