"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
