Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
