I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
