girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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