maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
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