i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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