that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
