Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
