When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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