I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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