My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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