so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
