What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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