just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
