yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
