Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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