Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
