I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
