she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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