I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
