Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
