My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
