2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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