I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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