Who did Billy Mays play for?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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