I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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