i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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