This is not my ceiling
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
