What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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