Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
