Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dick very happy bro
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
