We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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