new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
