i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh god it's open bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
