there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
