Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
