chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
