I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
