if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
babies were throwing up all over the place
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
