I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
