So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
