I can text with my tongue
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
