now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
