by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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