dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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