i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Can Purell be used as lube?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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