I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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