True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
