We need to start having sex underwater more often.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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