How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
