Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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