I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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