I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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