He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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