tequila makes me forget i have legs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
