When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
