C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
